Why do we settle for “crumbs” in our relationships?
Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship with somebody we didn’t even like much in the beginning, yet all of a sudden we’re under their “spell,” desperate for any attention they throw our way.
Or, maybe we pursue them for months, win them, ….and then run from them!
Why is it we sit under “tables of desperation,” waiting for the crumbs to fall? Why do we to fool ourselves that each crumb is far more significant than it is, whilst knowing deep down that our loved ones couldn’t care less about us? Answer: We don’t want to believe they don’t care because this means we’re worthless in our minds.
Other times, our relationships begin well enough, but somewhere along the way—slowly and subtly—our sense of self becomes eroded as we’re told we’re worthless. In the beginning, we put up a fight, use logic and reason, but eventually we grow tired of fighting and terrified of abandonment.
All who sit under these tables of despair live in terror of abandonment. Why? Because we have so little of our own selves. So many years ago, as children, we got lost. And we quickly learned that if we dared to be ourselves in all our richness, we’d be abandoned.
Yet, in choosing emotionally unavailable partners, we unwittingly prove this to be the case again and again. (And again!)
I have great news for you, though: It isn’t that you’re worthless at all. Yes, you may have some character nuances you need to straighten out, and you may have gotten into screwed up relationships time and time again. There’s even a good chance you’ve been rejected and abandoned over and over…but it isn’t all because of you. (Or them, really.) It’s because—like a magnet—we attract, and are attracted to, people who are empty, those who’ve had their spirits crushed to almost exactly the same extent as ourselves. We literally attract those who throw us just the same amount of crumbs as they had their entire lives.
However, something inside of us is desperate to fix this. To make it all okay. To make them love us.
It’s only by learning to love ourselves, that we’ll begin to attract people that we can sit with at the table together. There will be no more crouching underneath for crumbs, and we’ll learn to laugh and love our way through life with others.
STOP SETTLING AND START LIVING! Here are some free gifts to get you started: