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The Truth About Adults with ADHD

adhd Jul 01, 2019

You have to be wondering by now with ADD and ADHD scribbled all over the title pages; Is it a disorder?

The Answer is No!

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A difference for sure, so maybe we could call it Attention Difference, often with huge splash of hyperactivity.

Attention is often low on the radar, but is it really? Or are they super aware of everything and just unable to focus? Are they often actually able to see the big picture, (or at least a lot of it), but struggle with details and minutiae?

On the other hand, they’ll often get lost with an intensity on some projects and tasks. There are 2 reasons for this;

The healthy reason is when their brilliance pours in. It’s healthy so long as they don’t lose themselves in this intensity for too long, and are encouraged to infuse it with balance.

The less healthy reason for getting lost in intensity is escapism. Escapism from overwhelm, outside stimuli, and their own busy mind. In this case an ability to calm, ground and focus would be help infinitely.

Once the family is aware that is IS just a different way of seeing and thinking, everything changes, and the lives of all family members become calmer, less disrupted, more understanding, and relieved.

Kindness is key.

There are only 2 really important things in life; love and laughter.

Love for ourselves which comes from an understanding of ourselves, and which we can then share with others.

Laughter; that childlike joy and laughter that lies at the essence all of us.

There is no set way of loving, understanding and nurturing someone with ADD or ADHD, just as there’s no set way of understanding any of us. Once you’ve met one person with ADHD you’ve met one person with ADHD. Same thing with people. Once you’ve met a person, hey, you’ve met a person. She or he won’t be the same as the next person. We’re all different, and we all have our unique gifts, talents, likes, dislikes, and things which make us happy, sad, angsty and calm.

Celebrities such as visionary, and global entrepreneur Richard Branson, singer Justin Bieber, and actor Will Smith are all known for their energy, their gifts….and ADD!

The breakthrough is that there’s usually an innate unrecognized brilliance in the family member who swings between zero focus, disruption and hyperactivity, and an uncanny intensity.

Traits of this brilliance may well be seen in other family members too. It’s often identified in parents, other siblings, and grandparents. It’s as if some DNA that connects us to the very essence of life and all its possibilities, is inherent and got passed down.

Just as where Scott Fitzgerald describes The Great Gatsby as having,

“some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life”

it’s very likely your ADD child does too, and possibly you, your spouse, other children, parents, grandparents; you’ll find the gift peppered through other family members to a brighter or dimmer extent.

And as you look, you’ll notice a couple of things;

This is a gift, which comes at a price. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

How do they find peace? Focus? Ground themselves? How do they recognize their true gifts and abilities?

In our society, the gifts are often overlooked in favor of focusing on the naughtiness, disruption, anger, frustration, and seemingly weird coping mechanisms like OCD, anxiety and a fascination with order or repetition.

This causes the person with this difference in their way of being to see themselves as mad, bad, sad, and alone. Often, then, they’ll play out this role and manifest the picture of the disruptive oddity and black sheep that society casts them as. In doing so, the brightness of their gifts, their unique contribution and wonder get crushed, and a lifetime of depression, poor relationships, frustration, anxiety, unhappiness, anger and violence ensues.

Every person with ADD and ADHD is unique. How do we help them harness their gifts? How do we help them ground themselves, how do we help them get clarity on who they truly are and their unique brilliance in this society? The answer is different for everyone.

But there are some valuable tools we can put into place.

There are 3 things that we really need to focus on:

  1. WHAT ARE THEIR BLOCKS?

What are the behaviors, ways that they act and think, that are obstructive to peace and calm, kindness and grounding for them?

Bringing the clarity of your perspective on this, how can you help guide them to greater balance and inner calm?

  1. WHAT IS THEIR UNIQUE GIFT AND PASSION?

Now, when you’re looking at a wild, out of control 15 year old, or wonder what it is with this hyperactive infant or young child, it may be difficult to see their unique brand of phenomenal, due to all the chaos, yet it’ll be there.

What do they get lost in? What fascinates them? What do they love? Where do they show an incredible social awareness and conscience?

  1. HOW CAN YOU HELP GROUND THEM SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE A HEALTHY AND FULFILLED LIFE?

This is very different from identifying blocks. Blocks are the obstacles, the anger, the OCD etc they put into place to cope.

They crave balance, lightness, fun, grounding, peace, contribution but often have no idea how to attain it.

Grounding is the unique way that your child with ADD or ADHD can be helped to calm down, find true peace and be in alignment with themselves so that instead of the continued chaos, their unique gifts and passions can begin to take shape.

Grounding comes in a variety of guises.

Spending time in nature is often one of the very best ways.

Taking care of senses is also important, and this, again, is different for everyone.

Here are some examples:

  •  When HANDS are occupied! This is kind of clever, and is the reason the shower is the hotbed of creativity. In the shower people are closed off from other stimuli, have their hands occupied as they wash, and it somehow gives the mind the opportunity to soar with creativity. This happens to most of us, and it’s the reason why some entrepreneurs and truth seekers keep a chalk board in the shower; to capture these thoughts as they happen.

            Fidget spinners, jigsaw puzzles, playing with a bead necklace, a zipper, are all ways that    can help bring calm to the troubled mind.

  • There’s a reason that people CHEW on a toothpick or a piece of grass in the movies whilst looking out to a vast serene landscape……

However, if you Google hospital visits due to accidental toothpick consumption, the picture looks less rosy!

So chew away on something safe, if it helps. Of course no small objects in the mouths of small children, no choking hazards for anyone of any age!

  • The peace of SMELL. Certain smells or essential oils can transform everything. Most people know the tranquility offered by lavender, the vibrancy of citrus, the calm of a forest.

Of course it isn’t just the smell, but the essence of the goodness of the plant or herb itself, that is transformative.

Please contact the Institute if you’d like to learn more about essential oils in general, since we have a research department specifically dedicated to this area. Again, everyone reacts differently to smells and essential oils, but we can offer you some great insights and suggestions.

If you’re experimenting at home, be sure to use only pure oils made from the essence of the plant or herb, as opposed to a chemical copy which can be more detrimental than beneficial)

  • Need we say more? To pacify those with hyperactivity, mind and body need to be calmed and nurtured, often for hours, or at many different intervals a day.

If exercise coincides with the great outdoors, it’s usually the most beneficial since nature is known to be so grounding and healing in itself.

 YOGA and TAI CHI are also known to help enormously. Those with hyperactivity have a very big connect between mind and body. Yoga can help them make sense of this.

  • Yep yep, try to avoid having your child become a spinning top after chomping down chemically dyed candies, caffeine, and processed foods. The more natural the better. Keep a very very close watch on what sends them orbiting and what calms them down.

Know also that the heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, the overwhelm of the senses that they often have, the anxiety they often feel about life, people, society in general, often makes its way in their GUTS…….where that sensitivity to life becomes a sensitivity to food, intolerances and allergies.

Truth is, the ADD, ADHD bombshell is often very pure in themselves at core, and the more this purity is nurtured by food, and outside influences, the easier it is likely to be to help them live healthy and grounded lives.

A FEW OTHER POINTS OF INTEREST

We’ve looked at this unique brilliance which resides in an often tortured soul which needs grounding and then focus.

But what else is outstanding here that we could do with a bit more clarity on?

OCD which is a mash up of anxiety and a way of controlling life is very often prevalent.

An apparently intangible free floating anxiety is often in the shadows and again, is a product of a sensitivity to life, a different way of thinking and seeing, and struggle to understand oneself in the context of the rest of the world that appears so different.

EATING DISORDERS are often a desperate attempt to gain control where lack of control and focus have run amok

The TRAUMA of not being able to be oneself in society does a number on us all. This is super agitated when one has some heightened sensitivity of how life really is and ‘should’ be; the great possibilities of this world, it’s people, and humanity. I know that ADD and ADHD don’t indicate an awareness of life’s gentleness on the surface, (because they’re already spinning out of control with confusion of how to deal with the lack of it, and find a way to relate, to love, and yet protect their vulnerable selves) , but it’s never far below the surface.

On from the above point, those with ADD or ADHD often struggle with RELATIONSHIPS. This is because they think so differently to most people. They often aren’t terribly interested in the details, yet they can see a far bigger and more beautiful picture than many people which makes them feel different, isolated, unique, yet lonely.

This huge difference in thinking is often diagnosed and labeled as a disorder, so instead of being celebrated for who they are and being integrated by society as a person with their own value to contribute, they’re often ridiculed, belittled, misunderstood and outcast by society. This agitates an already fragile sense of who they are.

DEPRESSION and ANGER are natural consequences of being misunderstood. Worse still, when they become depressed or angry, this label often sticks and they become defined as this as opposed to a beautiful soul struggling to relate, dance with life, relish in its joy, and to offer their contribution.

This depression and anger can be INTERNALIZED and manifest in ways of SELF HARM, PSYCHOSOMATIC ILLNESS (when the doctors can’t find anything wrong, but there are all kinds of aches, pains, and ‘mystery’ illnesses), a giving up on oneself in the despair of SELF SABOTAGE, PROCRASTINATION, eating disorders, CHRONIC FATIGUE, IBS, CANDIDA, FIBROMYALGIA, etc.

It can also be EXTERNALIZED and manifest in RAGE, ANGER, CONTROL, VIOLENCE and ABUSE.

The INTENSITY referred to at the start of this intro can be a great thing in small doses as brilliance is unleashed, or an escape that further agitates the struggles both mentally and physically.

BRILLIANCE, GOODNESS, KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, A DESIRE FOR CONTRIBUTION, AND A GLOBAL HEALING are often right on the edge of the ADD, ADHD storm.

AND FINALLY………

Celebrate you, your own uniqueness, you as a family, your ADHD child, and other children in all their uniqueness. We are all given situations, particular children and mannerisms for a reason. There are no coincidences. We’re all connected to one another and to all of creation. This is the point. When we’re able to get this, that it’s ok, that we each dance with life to a different beat. That art, music, nature, travel, exercise and there for us partake from in different ways, that there’s a great smorgasbord of life itself, and that all of this is a part of the plan, then we really start to wake up and rock it.

Please don’t hesitate to contact us at the Institute for more information and help in living the most rich and fulfilling of lives. We offer workshops, retreats, courses, trainings, books and one on one consultations.

With great love and best energies on this journey to clarity and understanding both you and your loved ones.

Skye Baloo

Read More: 7 Tips for Adult ADHD Recovery Beyond Medication

STOP SETTLING AND START LIVING! Here are some free gifts to get you started:

Download our FREE     ADHD Relationship Survival Guide 

Download our FREE     ‘End Your Struggle and Rock It!’       EBOOK

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